Self Doubt

                                                                                   

Not being sure when exactly principal photography would start, I still assumed they would call me as promised.  After all, why shouldn’t they?  I have been in this business long enough.  I am confident that my background and experience is plenty to get me hired.  For crying out loud, Malcolm X spans several decades, the ‘20s, ‘30s, ‘40s, ‘50s, ‘60s and ‘70s.  Some days I was in charge of 50 makeup artists and hair stylists, manning some 4000-plus-background artists (extras).  Eve’s Bayou was a period film and so was Tina, What’s Love Got To Do With It, which also covers a couple of decades.  Angela Bassett had 52 wardrobe changes in that movie. 

Well that call never came.  So there was a brief window when I started to doubt myself and my abilities to perform in the industry.   After all, the last movie I worked on was the Miami location of Old Dogs in 2007, where I was personal makeup artist to Rita Wilson.   My doubt quickly morphed to fear.  Why was I so scared? I was starting over one more time.  I had to prove myself once more.  My experience should have been enough for them to make a solid decision.   Maybe they are looking for something else.  Someone with more print and fashion experience than film.  I am not going to browbeat myself.  I told my husband that if this was for me it would happen.  I’m putting it out to the universe and left it in God’s hands. 

Well, the universe finally answered.

Monday, October 17
It was somewhere after lunch.  I had just finished my live online makeup class and was grading assignments when I picked up the phone to the frantic voice of Mara Brock Akil’s on the other end. Our conversation went somewhat like this:

Mara:  Hi Marietta, Do you remember me?  We interviewed you a few months back for the movie Sparkle.  I am Mara Brock Akil, the writer and producer of the film.

I  steard  at the phone.  Aren’t they shooting the movie now?  Why is she calling me now?   

Me:  Of course I remember you.  We had a great interview.   How can I help you?

Mara:  We are into our second week of shooting and we are having some challenges.

Me:  What kind of challenges? 

Skeptical, I kept waiting for her to explain the challenges, hoping she would also explain why I hadn’t heard from her.   I admit I was put off a little bit.

Me:  I was disappointed when I didn’t hear from you.  You didn’t seem like the type to leave someone hanging on, so I thought it strange. 

She apologized profusely.   Her line producer was suppose to have called to thank me for the interview and notify me that they had hired someone else. 

Me:  What kind of trouble are you having?  In my mind I am wondering why she doesn’t get to the point.

Mara:  Our makeup department is in serious TROUBLE.  During our interview, you stressed the importance of having an experienced department head.  That resonated with us. Better late than never.  We really need some help restructuring the department. 

This was the first in a series of calls that afternoon.  Each was more panicked than the previous.   She finally said things had gone from bad to worse to downright horrific.  As we were speaking the makeup artist in question was packing to leave.  I could hear the stress and anxiety in Mara’s voice and I truly felt bad for her.  I wasn’t sure what she was looking for, but I told her that I would come and assess the situation and see how I could be of help until they found someone else.  It was just after 6:00 pm when she asked if I could get on the next flight this evening to Detroit? 

Me:  Dahhhhhhh, are you kidding me…like the next flight out of Fort Lauderdale? 

I told her that I couldn’t leave that night but asked her to get me on the first flight out of Fort Lauderdale the next day.  She was open to that.  After a brief discussion with my husband, we both agreed that I would travel to Detroit, cautiously. 

Within a few minutes the line producer called to discuss details, travel arrangements, salary, perdiem, shipping of equipment, transportation and accommodations. I put the phone down and panicked.  How was I going to do this?   Fly to Detroit to work on a period movie that was already in production for two weeks?  Was I crazy?   Where was I going to start? 

I needed to do laundry, to gather winter clothes, to sort out makeup.  What was I going to take?  I was going nuts.   I didn’t even have a script.  I had just enough time to throw three pairs of pants and three turtlenecks into a suitcase along with an assortment of makeup to head off on the first flight next morning to Detroit.  I had absolutely no idea who the actors were that I would be working with or the makeup crew that was already there.   Are there allergies?  Are there idiosyncrasies?  Are there personality quirks? Are we going to all get along?

I spent most of the evening sorting and packing makeup.  I didn’t have enough time to ship my makeup so I carried it as excess baggage.  I packed two small suitcases with makeup and one standard size with clothes, boots and coats.  I didn’t get much sleep.  By the time I laid down around 3:30 am, I had to get up, throw the rest of my things in a carry-on-bag, pay some bills, organize myself a little more and be out of the house by 6:00 am.  I was leaving 80-degree weather in south Florida and heading to Detroit in the middle of fall.  Does this sound glamorous?

Tuesday October 18

I felt like I was starting over for the umpteenth time; reinventing myself once again.  I couldn’t sleep on the plane.  I was a bundle of nerves.  I arrived in Detroit, where a driver with a sign was waiting for me in the baggage claim area.  He collected my luggage and took me to The Doubletree,  downtown Metro Detroit.  I expected when I checked in that I would have had a package at the front desk or some kind of message walking me through the day.  Disappointed I was, there was nothing.  Maybe they left it in the room, along with a welcome basket.  I opened the door, Still nothing.  No call sheet!  No messages! Nothing!  I tried all the phone numbers that I had, Mara’s, Scott’s, Debra’s, no answer. 

Hmm, I’m thinking, what am I doing here?    I was tired but I was too scared to lay my head down, afraid that if I fell asleep I would miss a phone call from production.   I didn’t have a call sheet so how was I to know they were on a night schedule.   Everyone was asleep.  After a couple of hours at the hotel , during which I must have dozed, the second AD finally called and told me to meet him in the lobby because I was riding to the set with him.  What was I going to find?

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